2004-02-21 - 5:08 p.m.

I am so torn! I hate having my hopes up for something, waiting for the day to get wonderously better, to be able to add colour to an empty canvas and then find out that I will not get what I want. Its so frustrating and distressing! Geez, seriously I need to get out of this place. I need to have someones hand right now, and its sad to think that when i am at home I feel so alone and bored. What can I do here? I played like a mad mad today. I just had so much to put into music, so much of my personal emotion to add to Suite Modale, and Handel...

But now I just want the thing that I cant have.

Sad. Kinda. Laugh at my pathetic self.

š

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what happened - what will happen