2004-03-01 - 3:41 p.m.

I feel good, comfortable, but there is this little voice in the back of my head thats making me feel so damn ugly. There are things wrong with me, I'm not healthy, and I literally feel this body disintergrating around me. All this is quite new, its never happened to this magnitude and even the simplest activity leaves me wasted. But its no big deal, as long as i keep up a good diet and take my vitamins, sleep and not stress myself out.

I wish I could have seen jeremy today, I still will later, but I wanted his presence earlier. I had so many things to talk about, so many important things to mention, but he wasnt anywhere to be found. So I organized everything in this apartment, I dreamed about how my own home would be and the darling little kids that would be running around... Then for no reason at all I started crying. I am carrying a lot of hurts, for him, for what I said before I hung up, for my mother.

I got into Lawrence university! That was a plus for today, now to hear from UofC and Oberlin... I hope my father gets the promotion.

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what happened - what will happen