2004-04-05 - 7:18 p.m.

It doesnt matter even if I do try to put into words how bad I feel for making that random comment. It was not intended as a mean insulting thing, I didnt realize that it could be taken that way, but it was. It went outof control as soon as it flew out of my mouth... Ugg. I had a rotten end to a day that was so strange. It took no time at all, and was absolutely torturing. God damn it. I am very very frustrated. I am angry too. I just feel bad.

I need to get a black strapless bra or I will feel incomplete in my prom dress. I think sweet and innocent must wait and Victoria's Secret here i come. I am SO FUCKING FRUSTRATE. Frustratedfrustratedfrustratedfrustratedfrustrated. I WANTTO GO TO MICHIGAN! DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL. I DO NOT WANTOGOANYWHEREELSEDONTWANTTOGOANYWHEREELSEIWANTMICHIGANMICHIGANMICHIGAN.......fUCK.FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK. aND I WANT TO GO DANCING, I WANT TO DANCEUNTILMY HIPSGIVEOUTANDMYSTOMACHMUSCLESSPASMAND MYBACKFEELSLIKETHINGSWEREGNAWWINGATIT.FUCK.IWANTTOGETUPANDMOVEANDNOTFEELLLIKEANINCOMPLETELITTLEBTICH.MOULINROUGEMYASSIWANTTHINGSTOBEWONDERFULLYHAPPPYANDTOHAVEMANYLITTLEBABIESANDHAVEHIMTOHUGANDLOVEFORTHERESTOFTHETIMELOVEENDINGSCARESMEITSHORRIBLE.IWONTBEABLETOTAKEIT.IAMAVERYUNORIGINALPERSON. iAM SOWRAPPEDUPINMYOWNWORLD.WHENWASTHELASTTHINGTHATIDIDFORAPERSON? wHEN WASTHE LAST TIME THAT I LISTENED TO SOMEONE THAT WAS NOT HIM? gRRRRRRRR.NEEDTO LISTEN NEED TO RESPECT, NEEDTO LOVE AND FOR FEEL COMPASSION FOR OTHERRS. NEED TOBE A GOOD SISTER. WANT TO BE A GOOD DAUGHTER WANT TO UNDERSTAND THINGS AND PEOPLE. WANT TO HELPHELPHELP.NEED A JOB NEED THINGS TO DO NEED THINGS TO SAY TO FEEL LIKE I BELONG. BUT I DO BELONG. i BELONG TO MANY PEOPLE. I LOVE HIMSODAMNMUCHTHATITSUFFOCATESMEANDALLTHATIWANTISHIMHIMHIMHIMHIMHIIIMHIMIHIHIMHIMHIHMHIMHIMHIHMHIMH.ohdeariwanttorelax, ineedtea, ineedtostudydophysics andanatomy.understand personality be prepareed for that test coming up.

Whew. I feel better. I was in a pissy mood so I did not give money tothe bumb. Feel good do good phenomena.

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what happened - what will happen