2004-05-09 - 1:31 p.m.

This weekend was terrible. God awful. So bad that at times I thought about why I should be here anyway... Why I still need to belong to this damned family and have this terrrible man as my father. Yes. That was my weekend. On friday night I cried for four hours, through the simpsons and the 70s show and fell asleep in my brothers room with the tv still on. Of course I woke up looking like a marshmellow replaced my face and adopted similar Mendy-like features. I was so swollen it was ridiculous. Then had to go to school for dance which was retarded... I contemplated damaging myself and my car in a freak accident on LSD, i was being really reckless. I was a rush, and definitely not health. I got to school only to realize that I couldnt go in my locker because I forgot my keys but since i needed to get my physics notebook i went all the way back to HP and then back to school. Lots of angry driving.

I was cursing up a storm. I was so angry. NEVER LET ME BRING UP MY KIDS THAT WAY. NEVER LET ME DO THAT TO ANYBODY I KNOW.

I am just sad for the state of my family. Sad for letting myself feel so down, and being so weak. But I am so hurt, so upset and just broken.

I am going to fail the physics. Its over now. When i die in june you will know why. I just hope he doesnt beat the shit out of me.

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what happened - what will happen