2004-07-13 - 1:26 p.m.

Right now, at this very moment, I would like to eat thai food, or mexican foor and generally just gorge myself on something. I feel so strange. Mostly because I have been feeling like I should be in a weepy mood, actually crying about time and how wonderful it has been the past two days. It just feels so wrong to think that everything will change come september and that no matter what we say things will change about us. I am so frightened, terrified, mortified... Sometimes I think it is so much more than those words. How about not knowing how to handle things by myself, not having the ground beneath my feet and feeling like I am plunging down a dark tunnel 24/7? I am so apprehensive of losing my time, of lossing my love, of being so shrouded in misery that I forget what it is that I went away for. I do not want to miss opportunities, and I know that I will have so much fun with the people I met at orientation... But I am afraid of the pain, the suffering and confusion that I will feel in my heart each and every day.

The other thing that has been bothering me today is that I feel like I have outgrown this place and the people inside it. And I am frustrated because my chances of going to SixFlags with my friends are almost zero. I havent seen anybody for so long, I havent been together with people for so long.... Its really bothering me. At the same time I see that I am actually BUSY at every moment. The free ones go to J if they are not taken. I need to get as much of him as I can. I have seen Ryan last weekend and Nickster too, but nobody else. I miss everybody so much. So I feel down, I guess I can go to Great America some other time, with a different group of people...

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what happened - what will happen