2004-09-01 - 9:50 a.m.

Life up here is good. My roommate is a very nice, fun, sweet person. We hung out together all of yesterday, had a ridiculous bus adventure, and then went to this party that wasnt really 'happenin'. So then we left and wandered around. I was pretty much sad because of the news that my mother told me, and I was pondering different silly questions that I would normally not bother myself with.

I talk to him a lot, but its not the same. I miss him so much that sometimes I think I see him somewhere but all that is is just an illusion, it is me seeing what I want to see. This is hard, and was especially hard yesterday when I got that bad news and just wanted somebody to hug me and tell me that they loved me. SO I called him, but he just talked to me, didnt really reach me, and did not say that he loved me... I felt so damn empty afterwards, so far away, so disconnected. I did not feel the contentment that I usually do after I hear his voice, only a nagging pain. A desperation. An almost heartbreaking silence. It sucked even more because I could not hear half of what he was saying on the phone, there was so much static and his words were not distinguishable. All that I heard was his voice, a continuous sound of Jeremy that I knew what saying something...just what that something was is pretty much a mystery.

I don't know. I am just sad right now. Lonely, too.

I wish I was not worried but I am. Im shit scared and very, very worried.

š

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what happened - what will happen