2004-10-28 - 5:54 a.m.

I really wish I could just run away into my boy's arms right now. Things here have been starting to build up a certain edge of frustration with me, and I have been basically living in isolation with nothing but the company of my school work. Its depressing.

I have not had the chance to talk to Jeremy yesterday either and that made me sad (even tho it was a wednesday and nothing really works on wednesdays)...

I was just wondering, can you really know a person within a month of time that you spend with them? Does that happen? Because Toni was going around and saying "o, I know you, I have you down..." and all that I thought was that he only knew the details and outline of my life, the major twists and turns...and not even all of them. The fact that he said that i was a simple character just put me off... Maybe im wishing that i was something more than i really am and really avoiding reality or something. On the other hand, I know almost nothing about him, not his past, not the reasons for him acting the way he does sometimes. I thought that such a brief and oddly formed friendship gave me too little to actually judge him, to trully understand his character... So during my day of mellowness we were sitting on a wall overlooking a field by one of the dorms at north campus surrounded by complete silence... He was freaking me out because of his really quite and secretive mood, his unreceptiveness to whatever that I was saying. Basically he avoided serious conversation all night long and then determined that my mood was based on really really really bad PMS. what a load of crap...first of all its not the right time for that kind of stuff... We saw a skunk that was feasting on whatever was growing on the field, and a raccoon ran by us on its way to the forest by the Coops.

It was just an odd day.

Yesterday I was good. i got my first A on a math quiz!!! Never has that happened to me yet, and a B on the group work! Things are looking up for me, kinda. Basically, things are beginning to kind of get done. The way that they are supposed to.

I miss my J more than ever. I wish i had a miracle and was granted his presence right now... I would love that more than anything because I would have a person that believed in my capabilities and deeply cared about me. Baby, I miss you so much right now.

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