2004-11-10 - 1:23 p.m.

it feels like spring...the air is pleasantly warm against my cheeks and naked neck, the wind is fooling with my hair. but i walk slowly, letting my shoulders sag, my feet shuffle on the cracked pavement, my hands are tucked into the pockets of my jeans. i walk, wishing that the ground accepted my body, wishing that I could lie down and become like the ground...my form exposing for the first time my soul-something that he had once glimpsed. I wish that I knew who I was. I wish I understood how I came to be here, in this situation, in this horrible predicament.

I walked, no longer having the tears to cry with, listening to somebody play a soft, meloncholy melody in the distance. The notes came to greet me, friends by common pain and sadness, and they asked me to forget.. i said no. i am counting the days you see, until my lover can come back to me. until i can get the other half of my soul back, until i can finally have love. that is what will get me through.

(that and lots of counseling, something that i start next week)

š

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what happened - what will happen